RESOURCES / DOWNLOAD FORMS
Client Questionnaire
Informed Consent
Electronic Payment Policy
AI Consent
Notice of Privacy Practices
Required Notice To Patients
NPP Acknowledgement
TECHNOLOGICAL LIMITATIONS OF CONFIDENTIALITY
Current technological changes have impacted the previously confidential nature of electronic communications. It is important that you understand these changes so you may make decisions about how we use those electronic communications between us. If you send me an email or text message or fax or ask me to respond to you via an email or text message or fax, you must understand that any electronic communication between us can be intercepted by others. I cannot be held responsible for any such events, nor can I guarantee that any email or text messages or fax transmissions between us will be secure or error-free, as information could be intercepted, corrupted, lost, destroyed, arrive late or incomplete, or contain viruses. Hereafter, if you communicate with me via email or text message or fax, I will understand that you have read this statement, understand its contents, and accept these conditions of communication.
Blog
Prevent Caregiver Stress & Burnout
MARRIAGE, MEN’S ISSUES, PARENTING, WOMEN’S ISSUESโburnout, Caregiver, Caregiver burnout, Caregiver fatigue, Caregiver Stress, Elder care, Fatigue, stressโMarch 21, 2023
Ways to Manage Caregiver Stress
The following article is an excerpt from:
A Caregiverโs Guide to Coping with Stress and Burnout โ Caring.com
(downloaded March 21, 2023 from Caring.com)
Caregiver stress doesnโt just affect you mentallyโit can also lead to physical problems, including chronic pain. โThe mind and body are connected. When you experience stress, there are a whole range of physiological changesโevery organ in the body is affected,โ says Vicki Rackner, a clinical faculty member of the University of Washington School of Medicine and the author of Caregiving Without Regrets. We recommend the following strategies to help you maintain your own wellness while supporting your loved one.
Seek Professional Guidance and Support Groups
Many people choose to seek the help of a therapist or support group to manage their caregiver stress. โThat provides a safe, sympathetic, and constructive environment where caregivers can express their wants and needs,โ says Darren Sush, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles. Support groups for caregivers, even highly tailored ones such as for Alzheimerโs caregivers or particularly for men, may also be available in your area, though most caregivers find it difficult to get out of the house for support groups in their limited free time. Ask at local hospitals, senior centers, places of worship, or the Alzheimerโs Association.
Ask Family and Friends for Help
Find others who can step in and give you a break. It can be hard to ask for help, but know that your good friends and family want you to be happy. Not only will it give you some time to relax, but those filling in will better understand both your needs and your care recipientโs needs. Make sure to express your gratitude: Itโs sometimes a good idea to compensate family or friends informally with things like gift cards, a bag of their favorite coffee, or a dessert to-go. When approaching potential helpers, be specific about whatโs required and get a solid commitment about the days and times theyโre available to avoid uncomfortable arguments down the road.
Bring Your Employer Into the Loop
Caregivers are often reluctant to bring up caregiving distractions at work, but you may be eligible for caregiving-related programs, including leave time, flex time, free needs assessments by geriatric care managers, and more. Not all companies offer such programs, says Gail Hunt, president of the National Caregiving Alliance in Bethesda, Maryland. But of the 18 percent of the workforce thatโs eligible for such programs, only 2 percent are using them, she says.
Adopt a Problem-Solving Approach
Try to break down the tasks of caregiving into specific puzzles to be solved: If bathing is stressful, try to figure out exactly why and what might be done about it. Do you fully understand why people with memory problems say and do the things they do? Are you intimidated by a piece of medical equipment? Defining concrete problems and identifying possible solutions puts you closer to getting help with them and helps you avoid feeling overwhelmed by the big picture.
Listen When Your Body Talks
โPain in your body is like a warning light in your car,โ says Vicki Rackner of the University of Washington School of Medicine. โYou ignore the โEโ on the gas gauge at your own peril. Your body is no different.โ Chances are that ignoring a new symptom isnโt going to help it go away; it will only start shouting at you by getting worse. When you start to feel the effects of caregiver fatigue, take it as a sign that you need to give yourself a break. This may involve calling on friends and family for assistance or considering some form of formal respite care.
Connect With Your Loved Oneโs Doctor
โEveryone is better servedโincluding the caregiverโif the caregiver is included as part of the team,โ Rackner says. Research shows that when doctors find ways to address the unique needs of individual caregivers, the stress load is reduced. Your loved oneโs doctor may have some suggestions to reduce your fatigue that can benefit both you and your loved one.
Schedule Yourself In
Caregivers spend an inordinate amount of time with a loved oneโs doctors but seldom see their own. Make your own appointments for regular exams, flu shots, dental visits, and the like at the same time you arrange a loved oneโs. Some practitioners allow simultaneous visits for pairs who share providers.
Find Healthy Emotional Outlets
Caregivers need at least one safe place to vent. Maybe this is a friend who agrees to listen without judging or a diary thatโs scribbled in and then burned. Peer support from others in similar situations is ideal. Online caregiver forums provide safe places to vent 24/7.
Lifestyle Tips to Alleviate Caregiver Fatigue:
Allow Yourself to Have a Social Life
You may be feeling isolated or upset that your old circle no longer seems to check up on you and how youโre faring. But is it possible that youโve turned them down so often because of your caregiving duties, or that caregiving concerns so dominate your life and conversation that they may think youโre just not interested in them? So when you do see them, donโt just talk about caregiving. If every conversation concerns one subject, itโs a warning sign that the topic is monopolizing your life.
Take a Mini-Vacation
Vacations are really hard when you have an elderly or disabled person in your care, but a short break can work wonders for caregiver fatigue. Your vacation doesnโt have to be three weeks in Franceโstart small. A simple overnight at a friendโs house or a local B&B, a staycation at a nearby hotel to try a new restaurant, or even a day trip to a hiking trail or park. If youโre able, schedule some โvacation timeโ to simply do something for yourself.
Explore a Hobby
Your hobby doesnโt have to be a conventional one like stamp collecting or bird watching; it just needs to be an outlet away from caregiving. Reading novels uninterrupted, taking up knitting, joining a book club, taking, being a matinee-movie addict, or enjoying your children and grandchildren all count, too. Anything that takes you away from caregiving for bursts of time. Bonus points if it takes you out of the house, too.
Plan and Prepare
Constantly refill whatโs depleted so youโre not stressing about running out of anything. Learn as much as you can about your loved oneโs condition(s) and how it/they typically progress. Caregivers are sometimes reluctant to โread too far aheadโ for fear they canโt relate to later disease stages. They also may fear ”jinxing’โworrying that if they think about something, it might come true.
Diseases are realities, not wishes. Ask your loved oneโs doctor to be candid about the prognosis and course of the disease, read information online, and ask others whoโve been there. If your loved one has dementia, understand the various stages, where your loved one likely is, and what to do next.
It could also help to focus on some โif this, then thisโ scenarios. This type of thinking helps you at least begin the process of considering where you might find more help, what kind of home modifications would help and how youโd get them done, or alternative living situations.
Find New Ways to Manage Overwhelming Care Tasks
Make sure youโre not trying to solve the problem alone. Brainstorm possible solutions with other family members, a social worker or geriatric care manager, doctors, and friendsโincluding virtual onesโwho may have experienced similar issues.
After You Cheated โ (4) Keys to Coping with Your Partnerโs Rage
FORGIVENESS, INFIDELITY, MARRIAGE, MEN’S ISSUES, RELATIONSHIPS, THERAPY, Uncategorized, WOMEN’S ISSUESโaffair recovery, cheating, emotional affairs, forgiveness, infidelity, sexual affairsโSeptember 19, 2021
You knew this was going to be hard.
After all, when you cheat on the person you love, there are going to be consequences. And this would involve more than a simple argument or disagreement. Your actions have damaged the core of your relationship. What your partner thought was stable, and perhaps even flourishing, actually had an unstable inner core that led to betrayal. Thatโs exactly how your partner is going to feelโbetrayedโaside from a host of other emotions.
When they finally get to know the truth, they are going to be angry. And you canโt blame them. No matter how uncomfortable the situation may get, itโs important for you to know how to adequately cope with that anger so that both of you can move forward.
Before even going into the discussion, take a moment to step back and think. Imagine what your partner will be feeling and experiencing when they find out you cheated. Those emotions may include:
- Anger
- Disgust
- Sadness
- Fear
- Confusion
Try to visualize how the conversation will occur, what their reaction will be, and how you will respond. Also consider in which way you want to tell them and how you will express it. Having a plan established will give you something to work with and not leave you floundering when things get tense.
When your partner rages at you because you cheated, it can seem really startling. This is especially true if you are not used to them being angry. It might be tempting for you to try to calm them down or even say that they are being โridiculous.โ That, however, would be a mistake.
Keep in mind that when someone discovers that their partner has cheated, it’s shocking news. The person whom they thought they could trust is no longer trustworthy at all. This means that all the emotions that they are experiencing rise to the surface at once. Itโs a lot to handle, and often these feelings come out as rage. Itโs important that you allow your partner to feel what they feel and know they do have a right to be angry.
Safety will be an important issue for both of you. For your partner, donโt be surprised if they create physical and emotional distance from you as they process the situation.
Knowing that you betrayed their trust means that they are not going to feel safe around you. Thatโs because that emotional vulnerability and trust that they thought existed between the two of you is now gone. They need to find other ways to feel safe.
On the other hand, you need to feel safe as well. Yes, your partner has a right to be angry with you. Yet, you shouldnโt tolerate physical abuse either. If you donโt believe that you are physically safe, itโs appropriate to step away until both of you can establish new boundaries.
The fourth key to consider when disclosing infidelity is getting professional help for the both of you. Each of you should see a therapist individually to process what has happened, what brought you to this point, and what you need to do as individuals.
Conversely, as a couple, itโs helpful to see a therapist together as well. A therapist can help moderate and facilitate a process between the two of you to determine two things:
Is it worth continuing the relationship?
If so, how do you reestablish trust?
Telling your partner that you cheated is not going to be easy at all. But itโs the right thing to do. Knowing that there will be a lot of emotion happening for both of you makes it all the more important to work with a therapistโboth individually and together. The right therapist can give you the support you need for dealing with this relationship crisis and healing the rift.
If you would like to discuss how to manage disclosing your infidelity and the recovery process, or would like to make an appointment, please contact me at 949-760-7171 or text 949-244-8572 or email jimswaniger@gmail.com.
Recommended reading:
Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?
Aftermath of InfidelityโHow to Help Your Children Cope with Your Affair
InfidelityโCan the Relationship Survive?
After the Affair by Jackie A. Spring, Ph.D.
Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain by Rona Subotnik, LMFT, and Gloria Harris, Ph.D.
An Awareness of Time
COMMUNICATION, CONFLICT, DEPRESSION, MEN’S ISSUES, RELATIONSHIPS, THERAPY, WOMEN’S ISSUESโanxiety, depression, time, time management, time of your life, workaholic, worryโAugust 23, 2021
When we get right down to it, we must draw one inescapable conclusion: time is our most important asset. And like most assets, there never seems to be enough of it. There are always so many things to do, so many pressures, so many things to keep track of. Our lives seem to whiz by, and where has our time gone? If time is our most important asset, why do we know so little about it? Why do we stay so busy yet accomplish so little? Are our accomplishments all that important in the overall scheme of our lives? In a sense, when we simplify our lives and become aware of the rhythms of life that occur internally, we can cultivate our sense of timeโand we gain self-knowledge that generally escapes us within the bustle of our daily lives.
Think of what modern-day life encourages us to do. We need to keep up with the news, drive to work, perform meritoriously on the job, work overtime, maintain a spiritual life, have many friends and a few deeper relationships, be a good partner and perhaps a good parent, keep up with TV and movies and books and music and all the new ideas, travel, have several hobbies, dress in the right fashions, spend time on the Internet, keep good credit, be a good neighbor and participant in the community, do volunteer work, take classes, exercise, and so it goes. It is little wonder that many of us feel so pressured. In the end, what really matters is how well we have lived, not necessarily how much we have done.
Like all things natural, our bodies have internal rhythms. There are times during the day, or even the month, or the year, when we do things well, quickly, and easily. We have spurts of energy when we are at our best. And there are other times when our bodies cry out for rest, for down time. To try to be at your most productive during this part of the cycle is futile, and it leads to a great increase in stress on your body. This is one factor related to some disturbing societal trends: the incidence of cardiovascular and immune-deficiency diseases in Americans over the last few decades has been astounding, not to mention the increase in rates of depression, family destruction, and substance abuse.
Many cultures incorporate these natural body cycles into the rhythms of daily life: think of the English with their afternoon tea or Hispanic cultures with the afternoon siesta when virtually everything closes. In America, we often punish ourselves for always feeling less than productive. We drink another cup of coffee for its caffeine rush, and then we plod ahead, trying to accomplish all we can even when our bodies are crying out for some R&R time. We lose awareness of our need to rest, to do nothing. The irony of all this, of course, is that if we could get in touch with the bodyโs natural rhythms, alternating between periods of activity and rest, we would be much more productive in the long run.
All our technological advances, like computers, cell phones, e-mail, text messages, social media sites, and computerized gadgets everywhere, donโt really give us more time, contrary to popular myth. If anything, they contribute to time pressure. Giving in to this pressure serves to isolate us from other people so that we no longer have the time for easy personal conversation that tends to buffer us from anxiety and disease. We easily anger when someone slows us down or interrupts our concentration. We pay more attention to small, urgent details rather than developing an awareness of the most important things in our lives. Our self-esteem drops when we feel that we can never keep up or do all that we should be doing. We may lose sleep, eat poorly, avoid exercise, and rely on sweets, alcohol, or other drugs to keep us going.
Until the Middle Ages, there were no clocks. Other cultures even now measure time more in terms of seasons or other natural cycles than by hours and minutes. Just two or three generations ago, people had much more free time just to be, to enjoy, and to develop more meaningful relations. This is not to suggest that we should go back in time, because we cannot. But we do need to get in touch with our more natural internal rhythms, which are a primary source of stability and health, and to incorporate this awareness into our everyday lives. Rather than trying to squeeze more activities into the time we have available, it may be more helpful to examine what is meaningful in our lives and to devote our time to those pursuits. The quality of life can be much more meaningful than the quantity of things we try to cram into our lives. In other words, we may need to develop a new relationshipโboth with ourselves and with time.
Take a periodic review of what is important in your life.
Reflect on how you have spent the past month or year, what you have accomplished, and how it fits into what you want in your life. What is important in your life? What do you value most? You may want to make a list to note the things you want to keep and the things you should throw out of your life. You may even conclude that cutting back on work, although it might reduce your income, will improve the overall quality of your life. Does the extra money really buy you the things that are most important, especially when you donโt have the time to enjoy them? (Could it really be true that the best things in life are free?) The most important things in life are not things at all.
When in doubt, choose simplicity.
Our world presents so many possibilities that it is impossible to keep up with everything. Do we really need to watch every episode of a favorite TV show? Are our lives going to be any different if we stop watching the news every night? (In fact, give this a try.) Do we really need to stay constantly aware of our cell phones? Rather than spending a fortune on entertainment or a night out, wouldnโt a quiet night talking to a close friend at home be more meaningful? Do we need to give expensive gifts when a handmade greeting would convey the same message? The simpler choices allow us more time to get in touch with things that really matter.
Move into the present.
Our lives become a mรฉlange of schedules, and our thoughts seem to focus on what is โout there.โ Our rhythms then become determined by the pressured world we inhabit. We become more concerned with the โthere and then” and not with the โhere and now.โ A beneficial exercise is to make time throughout the day just to experience the moment. Immerse yourself in the present. Become aware of your internal state. At these times, stresses can soften. Let this inner awareness, rather than the external frenzy, guide your everyday experience. This is the clue to learning about what is truly important in your life. Absorbing yourself in the present moment is exhilarating and can make you feel truly alive. Your internal knowledge is now the source of what controls your life, not the mundane pressures of the world around you.
Travel to the beat of your own drum.
Your body has its own rhythms. Learn what they are. Some of us are night owls, and some of us are larks (or morning people). Some of us have slumps in mid-afternoon. The value of being true to your bodyโs cadences is inestimable. Respect what your body is trying to tell you. All of nature follows a cyclical pattern (hot to cold, day to night, activity to hibernation). Humans have periods of productivity and energy followed by a need for rest. We need to cycle from doing to being.
Some of us have become so accustomed to adapting to the pressure of the external world that we have lost awareness of our internal state. The โhighโ that accompanies our adaptation to the stresses of modern life becomes something like an addiction. The busier we are, the more we feel alive. Yet our anxieties increase, and we lose track of the experiences that truly matter. Our health deteriorates, our relationships become superficial, and our sense of our own self evaporates. We long for something meaningful, and we lack the tools for finding it. The solution to the dilemma involves a paradox: we gain time by giving up time.
Time and life management can get overwhelming, especially now when the concept of time seems vague. The world as we knew it 12 months ago seems gone, and days of the week and hours in the day can seem to blend onto one another. This can be a difficult adjustment to make, and the help of a professional counselor can help with this. Please call me at 949-760-7171 or text 949-244-8572 or email jimswaniger@gmail.com if you would like to talk about how I can help or if you would like to schedule an appointment with me.
Take a periodic review of what is important in your life.
Reflect on how you have spent the past month or year, what you have accomplished, and how it fits into what you want in your life. What is important in your life? What do you value most? You may want to make a list to note the things you want to keep and the things you should throw out of your life. You may even conclude that cutting back on work, although it might reduce your income, will improve the overall quality of your life. Does the extra money really buy you the things that are most important, especially when you donโt have the time to enjoy them? (Could it really be true that the best things in life are free?) The most important things in life are not things at all.
When in doubt, choose simplicity.
Our world presents so many possibilities that it is impossible to keep up with everything. Do we really need to watch every episode of a favorite TV show? Are our lives going to be any different if we stop watching the news every night? (In fact, give this a try.) Do we really need to stay constantly aware of our cell phones? Rather than spending a fortune on entertainment or a night out, wouldnโt a quiet night talking to a close friend at home be more meaningful? Do we need to give expensive gifts when a handmade greeting would convey the same message? The simpler choices allow us more time to get in touch with things that really matter.
Move into the present.
Our lives become a mรฉlange of schedules, and our thoughts seem to focus on what is โout there.โ Our rhythms then become determined by the pressured world we inhabit. We become more concerned with the โthere and then” and not with the โhere and now.โ A beneficial exercise is to make time throughout the day just to experience the moment. Immerse yourself in the present. Become aware of your internal state. At these times, stresses can soften. Let this inner awareness, rather than the external frenzy, guide your everyday experience. This is the clue to learning about what is truly important in your life. Absorbing yourself in the present moment is exhilarating and can make you feel truly alive. Your internal knowledge is now the source of what controls your life, not the mundane pressures of the world around you.
Travel to the beat of your own drum.
Your body has its own rhythms. Learn what they are. Some of us are night owls, and some of us are larks (or morning people). Some of us have slumps in mid-afternoon. The value of being true to your bodyโs cadences is inestimable. Respect what your body is trying to tell you. All of nature follows a cyclical pattern (hot to cold, day to night, activity to hibernation). Humans have periods of productivity and energy followed by a need for rest. We need to cycle from doing to being.
Some of us have become so accustomed to adapting to the pressure of the external world that we have lost awareness of our internal state. The โhighโ that accompanies our adaptation to the stresses of modern life becomes something like an addiction. The busier we are, the more we feel alive. Yet our anxieties increase, and we lose track of the experiences that truly matter. Our health deteriorates, our relationships become superficial, and our sense of our own self evaporates. We long for something meaningful, and we lack the tools for finding it. The solution to the dilemma involves a paradox: we gain time by giving up time.
Time and life management can get overwhelming, especially now when the concept of time seems vague. The world as we knew it 12 months ago seems gone, and days of the week and hours in the day can seem to blend onto one another. This can be a difficult adjustment to make, and the help of a professional counselor can help with this. Please call me at 949-760-7171 or text 949-244-8572 or email jimswaniger@gmail.com if you would like to talk about how I can help or if you would like to schedule an appointment with me.
Opening Hours
Days
Thursday – Friday
Saturday
Hours
8:00 AM – 7:00 PM
8:00 AM – 5:00 PM
Contact Information
Invest in stronger connectionsโschedule your free 15-minute phone consultation with Jim today now.
Start experiencing clearer communication and renewed closeness in as little as one session.
About Me
Jim Swaniger is a licensed marriage & family therapist and has a private psychotherapy practice in Newport Beach, CA. Jim provides services to clientele from many Southern California communities.
Recent Post
Prevent Caregiver Stress & Burnout
After You Cheated โ (4) Keys to Coping with Your Partnerโs Rage
An Awareness of Time
Contact Information
Jim Swaniger, MA, LMFT
Office: 949-760-7171
Urgent: 949-244-8572
4000 MacArthur Blvd.,
East Tower, Suite 600
Newport Beach CA 92660
Better Relationships serves the online community, as well as communities in Southern California, including Los Angeles, Beverly Hills, Manhattan Beach, Long Beach, Seal Beach, Huntington Beach, Irvine, Costa Mesa, Tustin, Foothill Ranch, Mission Viejo, Lake Forest, Newport Beach, Laguna Niguel, Laguna Woods, San Juan Capistrano, Laguna Beach, Aliso Viejo, Dana Point, San Clemente, and Ladera Ranch.
We provide marriage counseling, couples therapy, individual therapy, psychotherapy, relationship therapy, grief and loss counseling, hypnosis, and clinical consultation, plus help with mental illness, divorce, parenting, dating, love, and communication.
ยฉ 2026 Better Relationships | Legal Notice | Privacy Policy


